D fail

So, it has been almost a month since we laid my mother to rest. It goes without saying it has been a tough month.

This morning, I was browsing the inter tubes for a better idea of the floral rules and regulations of a national cemetery. They are few, but they are very particular and precise. Also, they have zero examples of what a metal disposable container is. That in essence was what I was trying to find. A metal disposable container to put some flowers in for my mother’s grave.

I do not belive anyone has been to the site since the burial. I am afraid to go, honestly. There are a lot of emotions still being held back by some inane force of will. I did not know I had that. This strange will that has overcome all normal reaction.

So, that may be the problem. Normal reaction would be what? I am not sure what that means at all. I feel a little like Meursault in The Stranger. Better stay away from Algiers. It has been a month. There have been some bad days and some good days. There is no anger and no despair. I am not wringing my hands and screaming out “WHY!!! WHY!!!” I know why. It is called cancer. It happens. It happens to just about everyone these days. If you live to be 80 are not touched by cancer you are an oddity.

Searching the web, looking for some flowers. Right.

I stumble on this nice little search application for gravesites in national cemeteries. I enter in the data on my mom and hit the button. I see D. There are absolutely no D’s in her name. There are no D’s in my name, my father’s name or my brother’s. Her middle initial is R, which is most certainly not D.

I look over all the other information and it is definitely my mom.

What a fail.

Had to wait two hours to call the cemetery so I could cool down. It should be fixed. I am not checking it though. Not for at least another day or so. Don’t think I could take seeing that D there again!